Java, you’re a practical, performant option for development across the gambit of hardware solutions. You have wooed some of the most brilliant language designers, and they’ve responded to your advances with with new languages and runtimes that whisper sweet nothings into developers ears, all-the-while placating the cravings of managers for tried-and-true. But, you’ve changed, Java.
I used to, in my naive youth, pine for the security associated with your presence from afar, as I contrived my code to the whims of my clients’ environments. Now, I fear you’ll rise from the deep and snatch away the pleasure of my current fancy (Clojure) through yet another exploitation of your capricious complexity.